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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861237">vibrancy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/ntkrrs/pseuds/ntkrrs'>ntkrrs</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood &amp; Manga</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon Compliant, F/M, Non-Explicit Sex, Post-Ishval Civil War, Pre-Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood, idk how to tag this don't ask me to</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 23:33:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,199</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27861237</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/ntkrrs/pseuds/ntkrrs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p><b>vibrancy</b> (vahy-br<i>uh</i>n-see)<br/><i>n.</i> the state of being full of energy and life.<br/><i>n.</i> striking brightness of color.</p><p>post-ishval, pre-brotherhood. roy thinks riza needs to know herself as someone who can care for someone and not kill them.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Riza Hawkeye/Roy Mustang</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>vibrancy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>written for royai week 2018 but that didn't pan out. have this anyway; i quite like it 💛</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mustang asks Hawkeye out right after they are ordered to go back home from Ishval.</p><p>He approaches her during the dead weeks in between ending a war and completing the paperwork of everyone who will be lauded as war heroes. Central is probably printing certificates and minting medals. They’ll shine and sparkle and gleam. Roy wonders what kind of award Riza will get.</p><p>He doesn’t speculate this out loud—she might think he were asking her out to get a feel of who, or what, the Top Brass was lauding—and instead asks her if she’d just like to eat a meal with him, and catch up.</p><p>“The battlefield,” he says, trying to keep his voice steady, “isn’t exactly the most ideal of places for old friends to talk.”</p><p>“We talked,” she says, and she’s smirking, though he can barely call it that.</p><p>“We talked about war,” he says. “I want to talk about you and me.”</p><p>His stomach twists when she says yes. He wasn’t expecting her to say no, she wouldn’t turn him away. But still.</p><p>Her eyes are dull and lifeless, her skin paler than usual, and she’s eating her food not because she wants to be here, with him, to enjoy the meal, but because she’s her head is still swimming with thoughts of the men, women, and children she shot during her stint as a sniper, and food is what gets her through the battle.</p><p>He’s in no better shape. All he can see the same hues of black and red, over and over and over again. Ashes and flames are the first thing he sees when he closes his eyes to sleep, and what wake him in the middle of the night.</p><p>“Riza,” he says without thinking, and he knows running his mouth before his brain gets him into so much shit but he ends up doing it anyway, “I’m sorry for being so forward, but feel free to decline should you so wish.”</p><p>Riza pauses in her meal. “What are you talking about?”</p><p>Roy decides it’s better said in one go so he doesn’t even stop to inhale, and force them out. “Would you like to go home with me tonight?”</p><p>Color flashes in her face—her eyes brighten from the surprise of the question, her cheeks blush a light pink, and her lips are red from the effort of eating, shiny from the water she just sipped.</p><p>“Roy,” she says. It’s not a no, Roy knows that. He knows her well enough to know that.</p><p>He’s still careful, though. Careful not to touch anything but the small of her back and her hand to guide her into the car, and help her out. Careful to keep a safe distance in case she wanted space. She’s free to say no. She’s free to refuse.</p><p>And, Roy thinks with a particular sorrow, if she wants to leave, he’ll let her.</p><p>But she goes with him anyway. He leads her into the living room of the tiny apartment he'd only recently signed a lease on, and pulls out a bottle of wine from his cooler when she says she’s okay with it. He pours two glasses and sits next to her on the couch, intentionally sitting on the other end, far enough to let a person sit between them. If this bothers Riza, she doesn’t show it.</p><p>She’s free to leave, he thinks, but he hopes that she would choose to stay.</p><p>Conversation runs dry and silence fills the room. Roy finishes his glass and is about to pour himself another one when she speaks.</p><p>“I have to tell you something,” she starts, setting down her mug—he had no wine glasses, he thought disdainfully—on the small coffee table in front of them. “I… may take a path you may not approve.”</p><p>Roy stares at her.</p><p>“There is something I need to do,” she continues, “Something I have chosen to do. And it may… hinder things. For us.”</p><p>He recalls the first time they had sex. The fumbling hands and heavy breaths, awkward touches and how they almost cried laughing when they both finally found out how sex really was. It was the day she showed him her tattoo.</p><p>She looks at him then, her eyes boring into him, and everything around him suddenly feels sharper, more real, like his life had been covered by a fog and he was walking aimlessly through it.</p><p>He stands and walks in front of her, never breaking eye contact. He extends a hand and pulls her up, and her lips meet his.</p><p>This time, it’s more intentional. Roy doesn’t think he can heal her with his touch, but right now he believes it, because she needs it. She needs this. She needs to know herself as someone who can care for someone and not kill them.</p><p>Riza needs to know another body other than a corpse.</p><p>Take care of my daughter, his master said. What an unfortunate time to remember exactly who asked of it, and Roy shakes his head.</p><p>“Something wrong?” Riza asks from below him, lips pulling away from his neck.</p><p>“No,” he answers honestly. He takes in her pink cheeks, swollen, glossy lips, and bright, brown eyes.</p><p>She’s more beautiful when she’s alive.</p><p>He thinks it when he sinks into her, and she is unable to neither close her eyes nor help the moan that rises out of her. She whimpers for him to go faster, but he just kisses her quiet. He’s being gentle with her, and will stay gentle with her. This is a gift, not a punishment.</p><p>His mind flashes to her back, and the parts he burned off. He doubles his efforts.</p><p>She topples over the edge of ecstasy before he does, because she needs this more than he does. When he comes, he kisses her.</p><p>“Roy,” she says, some minutes later when he had dumped the washcloth he used to clean her up over the side of the laundry bin.</p><p>“Mm?” he asks, crawling into bed with her and tucking her head underneath his chin. Her skin is pressing against his and he pulls the blankets over them.</p><p>“I had fun tonight,” she says in a small voice, a small smile on her face.</p><p>Roy mirrors it without knowing. It falters when he remembers her back. “How’s your—”</p><p>“I’m fine,” she says, clearly not wanting to talk about it.</p><p>He nods, understanding. Sometime later, he remembers what she said earlier on the couch. “Is this… Will this be short-lived?”</p><p>Riza pauses, as if debating whether to voice her thoughts out loud. She reaches her face up to kiss the skin over his heart. “You’ll still have me. One way or another.”</p><p>A month later, she walks into his office, assigned to him. Their relationship is changed now, and there are things they can no longer do.</p><p>Roy feels like his vision is clearer, like the world is starting to make more sense. It had made sense a month ago, too.</p><p><em>You’ll still have me</em>, she had said. <em>One way or another</em>.</p><p>He stares at Riza.</p><p>He makes the choice to trust her with his life and his mission.</p>
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